The Power of Solitude

I haven't always been a strong believer in the Lord. I had my own thoughts on Jesus and my life. I was naive and listened to whatever the TV told me. When I was a teenager I finally started seeing the lies from the media and society's look on life. I knew I was wiser than the other kids. I just didn't know how to find more people who thought like me. But since I devoted myself to the Lord I have found a few and I'm still searching for more now!

When I was in Grade 8, I began to realize how immature the other students were in my grade. I started to become friends with people I never thought of talking to. My school was bilingual, so half the students were French speaking. Which I like to call Canadiens(French speaking Canadians).

I began to hang out with just a select few of friends. I used to be part of the "popular" group of kids. And I like to say "i used to be" because I was blinded by thinking that its important to be the "coolest."

After school was over I had a more open mind on life. I haven't been Christian all my life but I knew there was something wrong with the world I lived in. People were just interested in what society has lied to them for being lawfully right and just.

After that summer from my trip to Finland I decided to try out the Virtual School, and for the rest of the high school years I stayed in it. It gave me a lot of time to think to myself and get to know myself. When I was in Grade 10 I finally picked up the Bible one day out of curiosity. I saw the goodness it brought out of my Dad, and I wanted to achieve this goodness and joy that this so called 'God' person gives.

I kept reading little bits and hearing from the word-of-mouth instead of the Word of God. I was getting more in touch with the beauty in life, especially music by Frank Sinatra. The love he sang about is what I was feeling deep inside. I wanted to find that love. After dating and breaking hearts I still felt I needed to find the right kind of love for me. No one was good enough.

It was not until I was 18 I began to read more. I began to relate to the stories and understand proverbs written. I was feeling closer to the Lord. It was the most fantastic feeling of joy. One summer I went down to California with my brother and my best friend. We went surfing four hours straight all day long. The first time we took our boogie boards into the ocean we headed straight out to the ocean to the biggest waves we could swim to. We were laughing and charging each other up about the waves, those we got closer to, yelling "are you ready?" As soon as we could look up to see if another wave was coming it was too late. All I could see was a 5 to 8 foot wall of water slamming against my face. I barely got any air in my lungs, just a gasp and mostly salt water. An awful taste so I had to spit it out while I was pulled straight under the wave. I was tumbling around in the water and the first thing I remembered from my Scuba diving course was to not fight the wave but to relax and let it pull you back up. So I relaxed and I remember hitting the bottom of the sea bed. Then it felt like eternity after a while. I thought there is no way of getting back up for air. I was calm and had no worries. I said to God this is alright. If you want me now I'm happy dying like this. Then all of a sudden I was shot up to the surface. So I pointed my face up feeling the buoyancy of my body push up. My head barely broke through the water. I just got another small gasp of air but enough to keep me going longer than before. I tumbled around and came back to the surface with my boogie board still strapped to my ankle and my best friend calling out to me asking if I was alright. I was coughing and gasping for more air. Frightened, I just walked back to the shore. All of us did. But they went back out as I stayed practicing on the smaller waves. That taught me a lesson about nature. I was told to dive into the wave to avoid it. But I was too afraid to go back.

The spring break after I had turned 19 I went camping with all my good friends. But one night I hadn't eaten enough food and drank too much liquor. I started to act without control of myself and ended up in the Hospital with an IV in my right arm and a $215 Ambulance bill from a drive across the street from the Hospital.

My biggest fear is not being in control of what I'm doing. That’s why I don't like rides. They are unpredictably dangerous and just make me sick. I have now learned to overcome my fears, especially after almost drowning. And God helped me battle my demons that haunted me. I still had the thoughts at night haunting me of the Ghost I saw in the Balzac house. I'll never forget that night and many nights being tormented by him. But I have conquered the fear of all the demons that want me to be afraid every night. I gave that fear to God. He worries about it now. While I was lying in that ambulance I made a pact with the Lord and surrendered myself to the way of Jesus Christ. I told Him that I did not want to die like this and waste the life he has given to me. I asked Him to give me another chance to make my life right and live it for Him. My rebellion against God came to an end.

Sometimes what we think in our minds so much can change our bodies physically. You can become weak and sick. By learning the Word of God it has changed me in my mind, my soul, and physically. It has made me worry free about my life and made me a happier, stronger individual. My father has always loved me and showed goodness even when he might have sinned. He has grown stronger each day. I am glad and truly blessed that I have a father who has shown me the love of God through him and everlasting love even through my sins and never pressuring me. I am also blessed to be given a Mother who understands me and listens to me and wants to worry and look after me.

Some people wanted me to be like them or like something else. I had to separate myself from them and decide what is most important in my life. Being alone has made me a stronger believer and I am committed to the Father. I am learning and listening. And i will continue. Learning solitude was worth it and fulfilling. He decides the circumstances in my life. The flame he lit inside me from the discipline of solitude. Its the most effective way of taking my loneliness away with His presence. My relationship with God took my stress away, empowered me, and cleansed me.

It was something I got to choose that changed my way of life. I was saved from fear, stress, and the evil in the world. I now have the power to overcome the landmines Satan has laid out in my path to the Holy Spirit that is anchored inside me and the straight path God has already made for me. He has given me the sight to see the consequences of stepping on one of those landmines. But before His guidance I never knew before what the consequences would be. I have always heard His voice but not very loudly. Now I can listen clearly and choose to follow Him without thinking twice to be closer with our Saviour Jesus Christ the Lord.